Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Joseph Heller

I’m tired of trying to be exceptional. Let’s face it. I am mediocre. But, since I always strive to be good at something, I want to be the best mediocre person I can be.
Here is my list on how I plan to do that.

Be Realistic

Don’t try and change reality. The only way to separate cotton is by hand[1]. The best light is oil lamp. No, candle light. No, burning embers.

Be Jealous

Spend your time and energy thinking about what others have or what others did to you. Bonus points if the person you are jealous of really doesn’t have anything anyway (like celebrity from reality tv shows!).

Think

Don’t do. You get a bonus with this one – at the end of your life, if you’ve spent enough time thinking and not doing, you’ll have a long list of things you can tell people ‘If I’d only…’.

Do What Works For You

You’re perfect, right? Your life is perfect? It’s ‘working’. So don’t change it.

Failure means failure

If you failed, you’re obviously no good at it. Stop trying! If it was meant to be it will come naturally. Like spelling when you’re a kid. Or riding a bike. Or learning to drive. Hmmm. Maybe we are only allowed to fail when we are young. When we hit our 20s our ‘failure pass’ is revoked and we have to do everything right. First time.

Bonus Tip: Eat what you want!

Our bodies love salt and sweet. It’s proven. Therefore salt and sweet must be very good for us – because we are animals and a large percentage of us still believe that animals instinctively know what is good or bad to eat[2].

I hope that by following this list I can be the most mediocre person EVER! Will you join me?

[1] – This is an interesting diversion: Eli Whitney invented the Cotton Gin. The Cotton Gin was so much faster that production of cotton cloth could be greatly increased. To fuel the boom industry needed more cotton. One major source of cotton was the American south. More cotton meant more slaves were needed. Hence, the Cotton Gin greatly fuelled the increase in slaves and brought on the US Civil War.

[2] – This explains why my dog likes to eat cat poo.